New England

New England how can you wear pink shoes here?????? made them danced in them and now they are at a show somewhere in Provincetown.. if I clicked my heals would i be in a gay soap opera in California with some great plot ????????????? one can only dream and make pink shoes...

utube d hockney whats unphotographical

i watched d hockney describe in water color why somethings cannot be photographed and must be painted and another on scrolls in chinese art as compared to framed pictures. i am trying to decide if i am interpreting the film and talk right.
what i gather is that memories of place and vast design of place need to be described by skilled hand.. and can not be interpreted as well in photography for him as in watercolor.

i cant draw on one sheet of paper for much of my experience,,,so this limited edge has played quite a factor in my drawing and work...........the way i see and perceive depth or the form goes out of the boundaries of the page...and had even when i was an accountant adding pages with tape to my spread sheets...or in grade school and had to write across the two pages of my notebooks.........is this biological like ADHD?? How much of what we do is predetermined because of genetics...and how much by circumstances? is my perception or sight problem a problem that in fact caused me to be curious about things and draw them, much like my inability to do math which enraged me enough to become an accountant??? do life's tragedies become scars that in fact move us to do our best work... can depression, anxiety, mourning, ADD be described as assets and without them i would be without my art? if so have i complained for so long about them as i would about an enemy when in fact they were friends? paul

a little feathers go a long way

my sister anne told me a" little feathers go a long way paul"

i guess that was a hint.....she wasnt thrilled with the feathery stuff

i do go overboard but thats the nature of the beast.... i get excited and think ooh i love this
and bang i want tons more .............i asked her if she would bring my pocket book to the
oscars and she said why of course..... a sister must humor her brother after a put down...


paul

PAAM Exhibit

The shoes are going to be in the Provincetown Art Associations fall small works exhibit..... cool isnt it

shoes to go with pocket book and vest

another view of the pocketbook

helmut for my sword and sandal pictures

icon

this is still part of the process for installation

a pocket book for the shoes

another piece for the installation

new items for installation in my living room

auditions

I went to Parsons school of designs open house with lots and lots of schools there and tons of artists trying to go to them. Parsons adds up to 52,000 dollars a year it says in its hand book...... talked to the head of the fine arts graduate program .... i applied there 5 years ago and was put on a waiting list for the following year but never did go,, i bought my house instead...... i also talked to a professor at boston museum school.. who wanted me to start thinking installations .... then advised me to move out of easthampton immediately....
working two jobs and trying to do art is horrible.......i am beginning to believe the house is not worth it and maybe i need to move on..... and take the professors advice..... i of course could not tell the professor that.... i pretty much told him he was nuts and i just sat there cause i was tired......he talked for a good 45 min or so and made me feel crazy..too much information overload.... but the california schools there... shoved me from the san fran art institute to the university of california and to a design professor who didnt work with decoration.....i think they only like 20 or 30 something year olds.......... i guess this is how actors must feel on auditions....its pretty shitty....left one feeling that art schools are big corporate entities..... which they are... but seeing them from the outside one thinks...... oh schools what a lovely idea... and how noble .... but in reality it comes down to competition and lots of cash....... well i could be just a little jaded .... being pushed to a different school without them even looking at your portfolio is a bit disheartening......

depression as an opportunity for spiritual growth

my sister anne gave me a book titled above and here is what i read and wrote to my friend helen

there is an expression in zen

train as if your hair is on fire

what does that mean? it means dont wait get immeidately into the present moment and do what the moment requires

if your hair were on fire it would not be helpful to panic and race around in all directions

nor would it be a good idea to take a nap

what would be helpful???

get present assess the situation and move as quickly as possibe to the nearest source of help

and i would encourage you to pull out all the stops

dunk your head underwater
grab an extinguisher
smother the flames
yell for help

in other words
see a physician a therapist, an awareness practice and learn to meditate

i was in my little depressed victimized moments after work... sulking and reading. when i turned the page and saw the drawings of the man running around with his hair on fire and another of him lying on a couch with his hair on fire and thought thats me ...right now................and i laughed and laughed and laughed......pain can be funny sometimes ........god often must me laughing and crying at the same time

some drawings

TOO .........................................................

Today I called my sister Gen and she returned my call. telling me she had gone to a psychic in Chicopee Ma... the psychic said her medium or whatever said your brother is "too"..... meaning excessive ... ... too everything .... and that I shouldnt lift anything because I have a bad back that will get worse if I do... I looked up too as a word in google... it gave a lot of examples for the word ......... it can be too.. as in much, or too .... as in little or also....

Nothing about art was mentioned ......

weird I ve been working on my too muchness in therapy...... in following with this too much thing I have made hundreds of drawings in the past months that I will have photogtaphed..

The psychic also mentioned I give too much away and give too much in general.. which Is true .. I have given away lots of my art.....

To the Universe ...dam it!!!!!! I am working on it........ give me a little credit....Paul

Ptown Art House

I am having a show of my mylars at the Ptown Art House... Its a movie theater in Whalers Wharf... My friend Wave envited me to show with him there... 2 new ones hang above the concession stand.. two large nudes one with bumble bees and one with flowers.. its a bit surreal to see them hanging way up above the concession stand in a movie house.. but I guess anything goes in Ptown and they are a bit film like on mylar.... I would like to ge my friend to photograph them while up in the theater..... paul

this is one of the nudes.



I will add the other large mylar thats hanging there when I get back home..... neat to see two male nudes hanging in a movie theater.... crazy

letter to dmitri

hi dmitri i ve been drawing the most beautiful men .. its been
quite intimidating// a ballet dancer on umass s rowing team.. madison
who is also a dancer/carpenter... ,my sweedish friend simon
.... some very pretty stuff but i did give away many of the
drawings......my friend simon is coming out to sf for the weekend he
came from sweeden for a wedding .... i am working at camp till
friday... bringing some work out to ptown ... i hate ptown... applied
for a new job havent heard anything yet.... andre is here staying he
got a job at 6 flags making henna designs i guess he likes it... sound
more fun than my job

meditated before therapy which sort of brought up my feelings.. then i
meditate on where they were coming from .. and what was their basis..
it was so very usefull .. i came to understand my anger.... and talked
about it with my therapist.. also about wanting to be godlike when
drawing......i next want to understand my feelings of being lonely and
why i have them.. when i am surrounded by people... i started to
explore it and believe it is because of mourning.. ////////mourning
never ends... and its probably why i still am making art... when i was
a kid i used to bring home all my art and show my mother.. i think i
am still bringing it home and waiting to show my mother.. but she isnt
there so i keep making it in hopes it will get better and she will be
there.... rather childish isnt it.....

do you think there will ever be a gay messiah like rufus w.. sings
about??? it would be wonderful to hope so.... even him singing it gives
me hope that in the future people wont hate you because of who you re
attracted to......... paul

went to see jersey boys while in sf

I went to see Jersey Boys while in SF so now I had to down load the songs

change in the studio

after seeing my studio in photos and how not so charming it was .. i decided to make a design on the blue wall

these are some in process photos of the event

letter from dmitri

I recieved a letter from my friend dmitri ... after sending him photos of my drawings .. i am going to post it and then ask him if its ok.. hope he doesnt get mad.....

"these are great...the flowers, esp. the blue bells, are still better than the figures... why is that? maybe the vigor of your drawing shows flowers in a state of rapture that is not reflective of most of the models. i think flowers are always sexual, and humans can be more or less overtly at times - sometimes in relaxing and tame nudity we're not so much - more subtle and introspective (which your drawing is not). i see the interplay of sexual energy between you and the model (mostly you) when you draw. the nature of the flower is to project its sexual beauty in order to attract sexual attention. i think models who can do that more for you would work better. have you considered visiting porn studios - where the models might be more in a heightened state? "

my reply

dmitri

the flowers are more complicated in the pattern of the drawing
itself.. and always easier...to make ...which is the opposite of what
you would think... . no wanting of anything from them other than what
they are. a flower

and oddly enough i understand flowers better than people

. i want sex love beauty friendship companionship and project all
that desire onto the model which apparently is showing up in the
drawing.

i have drawn many men with erections..but never visited a porn
studio,,, i did however take photos of gregg that went into
playgirl....and then found myself quite confused....

its odd i think humans are perfect and flowers are perfect.. but there
is a pressure not existing with flowers that i have with nude
males...but i suppose if i was a flower trying to draw another flower
...bam same pressure.........i never want to draw a model i am not
attracted him in some way..... it would be too boring... it would be
easier to draw furniture.....but attraction has its pit falls and
leaves me sadly lacking and empty after the drawing session is over,,
its in no way like having a real boyfriend or lover... which is
fulfilling and loving.. the act of the drawing or creating is a bit
comforting..but has not come close to real love.........maybe that is
also what you are seeing in my drawings of men... a lonely feeling
..... but for some reason i could never draw anyone i truely fell in
love with .. they are not as interesting to draw for
me..................... when i am in love,, the person is more
important than the drawings,,, where as the models seem to be more
important as models for drawings... than people.. probably thats why i
couldnt draw you after we became friends,,,, which isnt a very nice
trait that i developed....

your name comes up frequently in my therapy sessions... into your life
a little bit of me has fallen.... i hope i havent damaged you....and
if i have... i hope that i put something back in to replace anything
i have taken.... paul

This is my studio/living space

this is my computer area and my lving room/ studio... its where I draw .....



this is my bedroom on a sort of not so good ADHD day...I have been using it as an semi art storage space too....



my painting area...the kitchen after work....



these are Phil's paintings on my wall in kitchen... they make life easier



my kitchen as a kitchen with Andre eating at the table

more and more drawings

This guy is coming from Sweeden this month

drawings again

more drawings

Raw drawings

This is how I draw no changes,, they are just raw drawings and they are the core of my art...
I thnk this is the most exposed that I can be ,,, welll in talking about art!!!!!!

new line drawings

Here are some new line drawings

Showing 3 mylars in Ptown

I am showing three new mylars at an erotic art show in Provincetown, MA.... completed them today and my friend WAVE
brought them to the Cape... the house feels empty ... I need to make more work....

I think I traumatized California but .......

But I did get a new shirt......and made a silvery ... shimmery...peice just like San Francisco .... .. California is inspiring.... and my friend Dmitri didnt make fun of my clothes this time......he only made fun of my pasty white color...............

Next series

The next series is going to look like wall paper from the late 70s ...I remember liking the foil wall paper in my aunt's bathroom which I am sure is considered really tacky today... it had silver background and strange designs on it.. Mine will have strange designs of my own............Paul

My paint

This is what I use to mix my paint its a great metal platter that my friend Phil gave me...
This is the remenants of what I used to make the Acetate of "Dmitri's California"
the photo in the previous posting......



I guess paint is like food for me.. weird!!!!!

new piece inspired by Dmitri

This work was inspired by a conversation with my friend Dmitri who
was angry at me for an email I wrote, that I stupidly forwarded to him

Three Dollar Bill Cafe Show continued

Here are some more photos of the show...the man in the picture on his laptop is my friend dmitri....









This show will be part of the Queer Arts Festival 2007.....Opening reception June 2nd
http://www.queerculturalcenter.org/

San Francisco Show

Here are some photos of the Show at the Three Dollar Bill Cafe in the LGBT Center on Market Street